Frith O’Steen

It may be blasphemous to say this, but I have never enjoyed Jack London’s stories. I found them incredibly bleak and depressing (Hello? “To Build a Fire”? That’s a horrible story!), and perhaps it was because I was in 8th grade and couldn’t fully appreciate them but I feel no need to re-read them to find out if they got any better. (I actually have very similar opinions about John Steinbeck, which I think makes me a double-blasphemer, being a California native and all…I’m sorry, but I had to read “Of Mice and Men” 4 times, plus play the role of the role of Curly’s skanky wife in a scene for drama, and I always found myself really sad afterwards, which I know is the point but do you have to be sad to be a good writer? Anyway I digress…).

Despite my feelings toward the author himself, I do very much enjoy Jack London Square, and that is where I found myself yesterday, at the “First and Last Chance Saloon” (well, outside at the cafe tables), visiting with some old friends from Berkeley. It was really good to talk with some grownups again, and to catch up with folks. Well, as much as I could. Everyone there is really nice and encourages me to bring Decker with me, but I think I’ll refrain from doing that for a while. Sample conversation yesterday:

Me: Hey James! It’s been forever! How are you?

James: Good? What’s new with you?

Me: (Ow, Decker - no, don’t pull Mommy’s hair) Oh, you know, same ol’ same ol’ (Decker, do you want to get down? Ok, you have to stand though, no crawling, it’s dirty) we’re kinda boring so it’s really nice to (Decker, no sweetie, I said no crawling, ok back up you go, here’s some cheerios) see some adults and catch up and all that (Decker, do you want juice, here’s some juice, ok you’ve thrown your juice that’s a nice trick, ok no more juice) so you know…so how is Francis?

James: He’s good. We had some friends over the other night for dinner.

Me: Oh that’s nice (Decker, that’s dirty…no sweetie those aren’t your cookies they belong to Delaney…see the train?) - I hope it was fun (Decker, why are you trying to climb up mommy? let’s get back in the stroller…).

And so forth. You get the picture. I’m afraid I’ve portrayed the kid as the ADD baby from beyond. He really isn’t, but he does have a keen interest in getting around and exploring, and being held captive by mommy in a concrete plaza where he can’t roam around or even crawl was, I’m afraid, a little frustrating for the little guy. He was really sweet through the whole thing, never whined…just very very very squirmy.

On a totally different note: some good friends, Jay and Dawn, called this weekend to tell us they’re expecting in March! That makes three couples we know who are due in Feb/March 2005! Looking forward to cuddling all their little babies next spring!

So, as I’ve mentioned several times already - Decker is walking. Huzzah! Being the studious mom that I am, I read in all the baby books that as they learn to walk, kids should remain barefoot so they become more surefooted etc. That’s fine in the house, but as soon as we get outside the little guy wants to desperately go walk/cruise/crawl wherever he can. It’s been about 90 degrees or higher, so I can’t really protect his knees outside with pants and such because he’d overheat, but I figured I could at least purchase a little pair of sandals for him. I got his foot measured, and then being all frugal and proud of myself, went to Old Navy and finally found a pair of little “tevas” that were a) not camouflage (yes, let’s start our sons out as soldiers before they can even talk, that’s neat), and b) hard for Decker to remove. And they were on sale! Ok, this is awesome. Decker was good the whole time, we went home and I was all set to put them on him so he could toddle around outside tonight.

Except…I bought two of the same shoe. Yes, I know shoes should match. I mean, I bought 2 right foot shoes. Someone must have thought it would be funny to attach them to the little hanger thing together, and I’ll be honest that after I discerned that the first shoe fit, I didn’t bother to check the other. This is what happens when you get smug with the motherhood stuff.

Anyone know of a elf with two right feet who could use some sandals?

Just a brief post today, as I don’t really have anything very fun or exciting to write about. I do however want to give a major shout out to my mom, as well as all other full time caregivers who are with small children all day long. Wow. I salute you all. I absolutely adore my son, and still feel like I have the opportunity to do the most incredible job in the world. However…I truly do think I may be losing my mind, cheerio by cheerio. Most days I try to get little guy out of the house on some semblance of an errand, just for my own mental health. On days like this where it’s like 100 degrees out, that isn’t so much of an option, so we spend our hours upstairs and downstairs, trying to find new distractions while I attempt to get (not much, as it winds up) stuff done around the house. I think Decker likes the change of pace by going out on errands too, and I imagine a diet of  just mommy all day is a bit boring for him (sort of like if you got to have one of your favorite flavors of ice cream every day - might get monotonous). So here we are, stuck together today, and while he takes his second nap (thank heaven he still takes two naps a day!) I am trying to finish some coherent thoughts and utilizing the time to do a load of laundry, water the garden (which of course needs much work), and whine online.

Much like the Barenaked Ladies swore they’d never write a song complaining about being on the road (the idea being, hey - it’s cliche, and also we are so lucky to be a touring rock band that who are we to complain?), I swore I wouldn’t use this blog thing for griping to the folks out there in the cosmic void. Well - it’s amazing what the ever changing mood swings of a toddler will do to your resolve. He’s a great little kid most of the time, and he’s entitled to have grumpy days (I think maybe it’s why it’s been so trying over the last 48 hours - this is unusual for him). But when he can’t verbally express himself (see post title) and has to rely on body language to tell Mommy what he wants, which he can’t always have (I can’t carry him all day long after all), I imagine it must frustrate him to no end. I know it does me. One sided conversations are sort of not the most stimulating, and thusly I talk Sean’s ear off as soon as he gets home. He doesn’t have to even be listening. Or awake.

On a more positive note though…all it takes is a little time away and I think he and I are back to our old selves again. Looking forward to cooler weather so we can start going out again. Till then - hope this nap’s a long one! I would love to actually do a full job of cleaning the bathroom for once!

vent vent vent…wah wah wah…whatever. ok I’m done now!

Well, as I have alluded to before - Decker is getting more and more active every day. He has places to go, things to do, and is very physical as he explores this new world. This is great, and I’m very happy to see my healthy little guy so proud of himself as he can do more and more. The side effects on his mom, however, are something they conveniently left out of all those “What to Expect” books and websites that I like to read. I am literally covered in bruises, and my back feels like I must have participated in a tug of war with a 18-wheeler while I was asleep! I’ve been retracing my steps, trying to figure out when all these injuries have been occurring. Many of them I can attribute to stumbling on baby gates, against furniture, and the bathtub, as I maneuver around with a squirming 21 pound 5 oz human being who is intent on getting everywhere in a hurry and attempting to leap out my arms in order to get there. The back I think stems from lifting said child up and down somewhere around 8 billion times a day. I know that the kid is supposed to look slightly banged up during the walking phase, as they stumble quite a bit while they learn to balance etc. But I didn’t know that I would get to have matching bumps as well! Maybe I’ll start wearing purples and greens to color coordinate…

Today is Calapalooza at UC Berkeley. I’ll take the aches and pains of following a toddler over the aches and pains of planning that event! I wish the very best to Roseanne and Patrick today, as they carry it off - I hope they go and treat themselves to a big dinner afterwards to celebrate!

It’s August 22, 2004 - which means my wonderful, sweet, adorable, cute, brilliant, talented, loving, cuddly, curious, friendly, silly, amazing little boy is one year old. And I can’t believe it’s gone by so quickly. I really do feel like it was just yesterday when Sean brought this little bundle up to me to lay on my chest, and I got a chance to look into those big blue eyes for the first time and say hello to my son. There is no way to ever fully convey how I feel about being Decker’s mom. It has been a fantastic adventure and I learn something new every single day. He makes me laugh, he makes me sentimental to the point of sappy and beyond (ie: today’s post), he has taught me the new meaning of worry, he has taught me to take immense pleasure in little triumphs (I never knew I’d applaud so loudly for someone just because they rolled over on their own!), and he can make me melt just by thinking about his sweet little hugs or his soft little head tucked under my chin when he falls asleep. I have developed an affinity for kids’ songs, am working on mastering the fine art of  “toddler cuisine”, and eye every driver on the freeway around me suspiciously. I’ve seen that leaves in the wind can indeed be funny, and have discovered that you could pretty much get anything you want from me, just by complimenting my son!

What’s great about having Decker here isn’t just the time I spend with him as a duo (although I love those times! Well, maybe not the clean-up times. Or the diaper times. Or the won’t take a nap times. I’m not TOTALLY brain dead! A tad sappy on his birthday yes, but not insane. Motherhood is hard work! I miss that thing called sleep!). But what’s equally great is to see how he interacts with his daddy and our families. I knew Sean would be a great father. But it is the coolest thing in the world to see him and Decker, two buddies, horsing around together, or napping on the couch together, or reading a bedtime story together (I often eavesdrop downstairs over the baby monitor - I can’t resist). And it is so special to see how he interacts with our parents, and our sibs.  He’s a cuddlebug and reaches out for them, and I feel so lucky knowing how close everyone lives to us, and knowing that he’ll get to grow up knowing all of them so well. This kid is set! (And so are his parents! Hello, babysitters? heh).

So…before this gets so sugary sweet that a light mist would make it dissolve - let me just say this. It was a long, hard road to get Decker here. He took his time (2 weeks overdue!), put his mom through 30+ hours of labor, including an unplanned C-Section (and the aforementioned Bell’s Palsy). But…that all fades away as soon as I see his little ol’ face grinning at me. A couple of days’ pain for a lifetime of happiness? Totally and completely worth it.

Happy Birthday, little one. Happy Birthday, Decker Jacob O’Steen.

I was driving with Decker the other day and was witness to what looked some mysterious squirrel stuff going on. Being an avid reader of the Contra Costa Times, and a longtime fan of their daily wildlife columnist, Gary Bogue (he’s like a local celebrity, he even makes appearances on KRON on the weekends!), I wrote him on Monday to ask him what was up. Today I opened the paper and my letter and his answer were in there! I salute you, Gary!

Contra Costa Times, August 19th 2004:

Dear Gary:

I saw a squirrel running along the top of a fence with what I swear looked like a little baby squirrel clinging to the underside of its neck. Do squirrels do this?

Frith O., Pleasant Hill

Dear Frith:

The baby squirrel may have been clinging to Mama’s neck, but I’ll bet she was also holding it by the scruff of the neck, just like a mama cat carries one of her kittens.

Something probably disturbed her old nest and she was taking her youngster to a safer new one.

I’ll admit it. In my past, there are some years of being a choir geek. I will steadfastly insist that they were more about wanting to actually sing in a group where folks could carry a tune, rather than being part of a group that would start singing in public just because they could (that was always the part where I’d try to shrink away from my fellow altos and look like I was in Model UN instead, or something like that. German Club. Future Farmers of America. ANYTHING is better than singing in public. But I digress.).

In my car, and in my house, I will sing along full gusto with whatever is on the cd player or radio at the time. Loudly. Bad vibrato and all. This is normally not a problem, as Decker is my sole audience. Or so I thought. I realized the other day that as I was warbling along with the “Avenue Q” soundtrack (notable songs include “It Sucks To Be Me” and “If You Were Gay”), our windows were still open. I hadn’t turned on the air conditioning yet, and it occurred to me that the groundskeepers were right outside, having lunch. Oh my. I sing a lot. Like, a LOT. Imagine the scenarios they’ve concocted about our household! And they’ve been treated to a ton of Sesame Street’s finest, too! “Elmo’s Song”, “Doin’ the Pigeon”, “Rubber Duckie”…we got an arsenal here, folks.

Can’t wait for Decker to start really singing along as well.

I’m not trying to be lazy, but if JK Rowling would just include a good description of the spells that Mrs. Weasley must use to organize her linen closet and kitchen cupboards, it would be extremely useful. With Decker underfoot, it’s sort of a “one step forward, two steps back” process  (he does seem to enjoy unfolding the stacks of towels I lay out!).

Maybe today will be the day! Organization will be achieved! I WILL be the Fly Lady!

Or maybe I’ll just take Decker to the park and read my book.

So…a year ago today I was watching tv, waiting for Decker to make some sort of indication that he was maybe even possibly thinking about finally makin’ his move and getting out here with the rest of us, and dealing with what I thought was a really stiff neck from laying on the couch so much and not sleeping well. (Hey, the kid was already a week overdue!). So I got up to go brush  my teeth, and discovered to my absolute surprise and horror that half my face had decided not to work anymore. Couldn’t move a dang thing. Level-headed and calm girl that I am, I immediately assumed I had a stroke, called the emergency advice nurse (who predicted simply Bell’s Palsy), called Sean (to get him to come ASAP, can’t remember where he was), and of course mom until Sean got home. Sean raced me to Alta Bates, where they reassured me that it was indeed Bell’s Palsy (not a stroke, thank god), that the baby was definitely fine, and that I would look funny for a couple of weeks but should be ok after that. They had the option to give me steroids to treat it, but since Decker hadn’t completed his lease yet, they decided not to (which I am still ok with - I never want to take chances when I have someone else’s health on the line).

So, ego bruised, adreneline rushed, and concerns smoothed, Sean took me home. I went to bed, and was resigned to looking silly but being healthy and hey, it will go away in a couple of weeks, right?

Well…as many of you know…it’s been a year now, and it took a looooooooongggg time to start to be able to move things again. There were times this year where I indulged in big fat rounds of self-pity and felt like it would never get any better and that Decker would grow up thinking mommy looked like something out of the movie “Freaks”. However, I am happy to say that as I look in the mirror today, everything is almost completely back to normal. I still have a crooked smile, and probably always will (hey, what’s her face, that model, has a big gap in her teeth and people don’t run from her!), but have determined to call it “quirky” and can live with it. My eyes are even now when I smile, talk, etc, and I do my facial massage every single day to keep the synkinesis from starting up again. I don’t look like the photos from before it all happened, but close enough that I can let it go. I can’t really have regrets, because if I didn’t have Bell’s, it would mean I didn’t have Decker (the doctors are pretty sure that my pregnancy, especially being overdue in the 3rd trimester, is what caused the Bell’s in the first place), and that’s something I don’t even want to imagine. Will my son someday look at older photos of me and ask why I look different? Probably. But it seems for the most part that kids are pretty accepting and love whatever they’re familiar with, so it will be a curiosity to him at most, I assume. Hey, if the old saying “I want a girl just like the girl who married dear ol’ dad” is accurate (Sean did marry a short woman!), then maybe Decker will be on the search for slightly off-center faces when he starts dating!

Anyway - it’s weird to see that a year has gone by. If I want to feel good about the progress, I just look at photos from that first week, and photos from now…and you know what? I feel ok about it. And frankly? Decker keeps me too busy to care much anyway! So there you go.

Ok, I know some folks don’t agree, but I’ve always thought the big boxy walk-through waterfall fountain at Justin Herman Plaza in SF was way cool, and I have very fond memories of playing around there as a little kid with my family. I brought Decker with me to meet Tully for lunch today, and we ate in the Embarcadero and I saw the water is turned back on! Hooray! I took Decker for a walk around it, and he seemed to be a little confused about what to make of this giant bathtub with huge faucets.

Went to dinner with some former students (Garett, Donna, Farouk) and my former boss and co-worker (Roseanne and Patrick). We met at Jupiters’ in Bezerkeley and had a nice time catching up. Can’t believe move-in weekend for Cal is almost here again. I miss the people at Berkeley, but I sure as hell don’t miss the craziness of welcome week! (Well, caveat to that - being a true campus geek, I do love the excitement and buzz in the air that comes at the beginning of each school year. Heck, I may even go to Calapalooza just for old times’ sake. But I will be fervently grateful the entire time that it wasn’t me that had to plan it this year!).

The Gap Inc. office building is seriously amazing. My sisters can never quit their jobs - I have too much fun living vicariously through them. :)