Frith O’Steen

There are lots of things you don’t know about parenthood until you become a parent yourself. Your own kid’s bodily fluids don’t gross you out (but others’ do). You can get by on little to no sleep. You can lift enormous weights as needed. And the dating scene starts all over again once you go out in public with your child.

For me to keep my sanity, and give Decker a chance to run off some energy, I try to take him out somewhere once a day - usually a walk through Walnut Creek and a trip to the playground at Civic Park, or going to his weekly playgroup at the community center, or hanging out in front of our house where he can play with his toys in the driveway. And without fail, I have discovered that we mommies (particularly the SAHM variety) are a chatty lot, who seem to always be on the prowl for a (play)date! It’s really funny! Typical scenario: Decker and I are once again at the choo choo train in Civic Park. He’s hanging out, doing his thing (which usually means perching on the little bench inside the engine, balancing his truck on the front of the train, and peering out at other kids and smiling). A little boy (it’s almost always moms of boys!) about Decker’s age (give or take 2-3 months either way) will come wandering over and climb on board as well. The dialogue goes like this:

Me: Look, Decker, here’s another big kid! (They’re all still babies, but I think they like to think they’re big kids! Might as well stroke the ego a bit!). Can you say hi?

Decker:

Me: Hey, looks like they’re gonna drive the train for us! Where do you think we’ll go?

Decker:

Other kid: Babble babble Mommy something or other

Other kid’s Mom: Hey, (fill in the blank, usually something like Colton, Parker, Taylor, etc), look at you drive the train! Where we will we go? Will we go visit (fill in the blank, usually Daddy, Grandma, etc). Can you say hi to the little boy?

Other kid:

Decker:

Other kid’s Mom: So, how old is your little boy?

And so it begins. It’s the ultimate pick-up line! Once you’ve established ages, you can then begin chatting about your kids’ commonalities, complimenting their names and outfits, and so forth. Usually in the playground, it’s like having a brief conversation to help break up the day, and then one of the kids wanders off (usually the other kid, Decker seems to like to stay put) and the mom leaves with them. The caveat to this is if you have a chance to see this mom again (ie: a regular at playgroup or a neighbor from across the way). Then, the conversations move from initial flirting to the potential of an actual date. Dialogue may go something like this:

Me: Hi, (fill in the blank of the kid’s name, which you always remember better than the actual mom’s name)! How are you today?

Other kid: Mommy, (fill in the blank for name of toy)!

Other kid’s mom: That’s right, duck! (or train, etc; fill in name of toy). Can you say hi to Decker?

Other kid:

Me: Decker, can you say hi?

Decker:

The kids proceed to play, while the moms chat in between chasing their kids around the room/driveway, exhorting them to play nice and share (when in reality they’re parallel playing anyway).

Other kid’s mom: So, how’s he doing?

Me: Oh, we’re doing great. He’s getting closer to really talking/keeping us on our toes/teething (pick one).

Other kid’s mom: Oh, I know (empathizes over whatever I offered up conversationally about Decker).

Other kid’s mom: Chit chat

Me: Chit Chat

Other kid’s mom: You know, we should get together sometime! We’re always free if Decker wants to play!

Me: Yeah, that sounds neat!

Other kid and Decker:

Ok, now it’s awkward b/c if you don’t make plans right then, it’s like someone asked you on a date and showed they liked you, and now evertime after that, there’s that weirdness. You didn’t accept right away, which doesn’t mean you won’t ever, it just means you didn’t make plans right then. But you worry that they feel rejected, and you hope they ask you again but you also hope they don’t because that would involve extra effort of picking a day, planning something, figuring out what to wear (for the kid and yourself)…oy. You wonder if you should make the next move, or if you should wait and see if they call you….

Poor Decker - he was born to a mom who was never very good at the dating scene!