Frith O’Steen

So, Sean is a pretty understanding guy…because for the past 8 years he’s had to share me with the other man in my life, Harry Potter. My sis Tully hooked me on the series back in 1999, and it’s been a true love affair ever since. New books have been anticipated with only slightly less excitement than the arrival of my kids (jk Decker and Sutter! maybe!), and this past Saturday the final chapter, Harry Potter #7, was released into the world. Here’s how awesome my weekend turned out to be, thanks in huge part to Sean and my sisters:

Saturday morning - Where’s my book? Where’s my book? Oh where oh where is my book? Sean takes Sutter with him, and goes to the UPS store (where it was due to arrive, although we didn’t know when) and waits there for almost 2 HOURS for it to arrive! (Out of fairness to me, I did take Decker to get his haircut that morning - but still!). Then, when the book made its way into my eager lil’ paws, Sean bid me farwell and sent me off to Tully’s place for some uninterrupted reading poolside. Katil and Tully each got their copies very quickly after I did, and we spent the next 6 hours reading in silence, puncuated only with gasps or giggles. The book doesn’t disappoint - it starts off with a bang on page 1. Sooo good!

Saturday night - I return home, resigned to having to spread out the pace of my reading, as I do have kids to feed etc, responsibilities and whatnot. Sean however, instructs me to go hide with the book as soon as I can, and I get to read until about 2 am that morning. (Stopped to nurse Sutter, but it was for the best - my eyes were drooping).

Sunday - chat with Tully and discover that she and Katil are ahead of me - DOH! Sadly, I realize I won’t be able to pore through this last book nonstop, as two little boys tend to not give you that much uninterrupted time to yourself. Sean has to work that day, so I figure I will grap snatches here and there in the coming evenings, staying up way too late. But wait! Decker and Sutter and I go to dinner at my folks, and my sisters walk in, having finished the book just minutes before! Argh! I am distraught! And then…Tully tells me she brought her book with her, goes out to the car go get it, hands it to me, and then she and Katil and Dad take the boys upstairs and give me the next 2 1/2 hours to finish the book all by myself in peace and quiet and wonderful wonderful suspense!

Between Saturday and Sunday - what a gift of time you all gave me. It was perfect, and the book is everything I could have hoped for and more. I can’t wait to read it again and again! Thank you to my reading pit crew! And JK Rowling - I salute you. You have created a work of fiction that I think will never be equaled. I feel so lucky to have been able to be a part of the original generation to get to read them. Now PLEASE PLEASE write an eighth one! It can be an encyclopedia, that would be just fine! But I want to know more! Please oh pretty please!

Decker’s excited about Santa, Sutter is smiling all the time, and we’re all finally recovering from the preschool plague - Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year everyone!

Wow - I haven’t added anything to my personal blog for 3 months! (I’ve blogged for D, but not for me! Hee! ok, I’ll stop…). Anyway, the big news of course is that now I am a mom to TWO boys! I have kids, plural. That is so weird to say out loud! “Oh, the boys and I …”. Yikes. But it’s also been amazing and wonderful and exhausting and great all at the same time. Sutter Muir O’Steen, who joined us all in this big big world at 9:43 am on Friday, October 20. (Born on a Friday, just like his big brother!). Most of what I have to say about him will be expressed through his own blog, but I will offer up these few little tidbits for now:

First off, I feel really really really lucky! He is four weeks old today, and has stayed very sweet and mellow. He cries when he’s hungry or gassy or lonely, but we try to stay on top of all three of those things, so as a result he’s an easy-going kid. Decker for the most part seems to have adjusted well - he’s acted out a little bit, but never towards the baby. Mostly I think it has to do with being 3 years old, rather than having a baby in the house. But he tries to talk to him and play with him a little, so that’s nice! I was nervous I had forgotten everything about babies, but am psyched that most of it seems to have come back fairly quickly. I’m also a lot less nervous with this one, so I think that plays out in his mellow demeanor with us. (Or maybe he’s just programmed that way!). I also had forgotten how extremely sleep deprived you get! But Sean has stepped up and helped out in that area, taking care of D in the morning so that Sutter and I can snooze a little longer after the 6 am feeding! Amazing how that extra 30 minutes can really help!

Sean laughed when I told him the biggest adjustment has been in prep time to go anywhere. Basically, I’ve found as long as you take the normal amount of prep time, and then add 20 minutes to it, you’re ok and will make it on time to where you need to go. It’s not scientific, but it’s true!

I had also forgotten how much laundry is involved with a newborn! So now, with me and the 3 guys - well, our energy bill will be interesting to look at! Plus right now we all smell like Dreft!

So, now I have one in preschool and one in a bassinette. When did I become ‘mom of 2′? It’s like I’ve shifted into a completely different paradigm than when I was ‘mom of one’ - don’t ask me why, it just feels like itl. But it’s also really cool. The second time around is a very fun ride!

Given my fatigue level, I’m not sure how often I’ll blog for myself (or how often it will be coherent). But for now let me say - yay babies! and yay sons! and um…yay motherhood! (and yay caffeine!)

- frith

The last couple of days, I’ve noticed that Decker has called me ‘Mom’ and my mom ‘Pam’ (instead of his usual Mommy and Pammy). I’m not ready to be ‘Mom’ yet (it took so long to get to Mommy!), and ‘Pam’ instead of Pammy just sounds odd. So I’ve been trying to gently correct him without making a big deal out of it. Here’s how a conversation went in the car today:

Decker: Mom, I look at stickers!

Me: MomMY, I look at stickers!

Decker: Mom (giggle), I look at stickers!

Me: MomMY, Decker, MomMY - Decker, what’s my name? What does Decker call me?

Decker: Frith! Frith! Frith! Decker calls Frith!

Me: (amazed he remembers that’s my real name) - Well, that’s right sweetie - Mommy’s real name is Frith, but what does DECKER call me?

Decker: Frith!

Me: MomMY! My name is MomMY!

Decker: Frith!

Me: MomMY!

Decker: Frith! Frith!

Me: I give up! Decker, look - there’s where the fishies live!

So…so much for not making a big deal out of it! I swear, preschoolers know exactly what will push their parents’ buttons! (Although I know he just thinks it a fun game). Still, hope I’m not heading into a phase where I get addressed by my own son by my first name! That’s annoying enough when teenagers do it!

Pixar, I salute you once again. What else can I say? The perfect way to spend our anniversary (7 years! yikes!) was to take in the latest achievement by my favorite moviemakers. Yes, we will own the DVD, and yes I daresay it will run every day in our house once Decker discovers it (taking its turn in the same honored positions held by “Monsters Inc”, “Finding Nemo”, and “Toy Story 2″). It was sooooooooo good!

Sean is really awesome about Sunday mornings; generally they are the time in the weekend when I take off to do my own thing and he hangs out with little dude. Lately, my Sundays have been spent over at my sister Katil’s place, where she and Tully and I get together and knit (they have practically completed their projects, and I have achieved a whopping 14 rows of … something. (A scarf? A colorful knit flag? we’ll see!). Anyway, they’re out of town in Chicago with my folks this weekend, so this morning I took advantage of the gorgeous weather and headed out to Walnut Creek. It was bliss. Here’s the recipe for a perfect solo Sunday morning:

1. Start off with a nice stroll through town. Go early enough so there’s not lots of people there yet and the shops aren’t even open. You can enjoy the morning air, stretch your legs (which I don’t do enough), and just clear your head.

2. Enjoy the extremely bad art that has sprouted up in display booths up and down the sidewalks. Apparently it is the annual spring art festival, and the time of year where doctors’ offices stock up on waiting room decorations.

3. Meander through the farmer’s market, and smile at the little kids dancing to the accordian players playing “It’s a Small World”. Start thinking about going to Disneyland and trying to plan when you will go.

4. Go to the bookstore and enjoy picking out just the exact right picture books for acquaintances’ kids. Relish in the time you can take to find exactly what you want, because you are there on your own and it’s wonderful!

5. Splurge on a cool drink, find a shady bench by the fountain outside, and crack open the book you’ve been wanting to finish. Read, interruption free, guilt free…aaaaaah!

6. Realize you miss your boys and are ready to go home!

The weather is finally feeling normal for this time of year! It’s sunny, it’s warm, I was able to wear shorts and a t-shirt (even in the morning!), and it was the kind of day just begging for a walk to the park. So I packed up Decker and headed to Walnut Creek for our usual circuit through Broadway Plaza and down to Civic Park. It’s actually not that big a place, but I like it because you can walk to it, it’s got a nice playground, and Decker especially likes the gazebo. (Hey, who doesn’t?).

The thing about Civic Park (well, all playgrounds, really) is that you have to time it just right. In the morning hours, the playground is pretty mellow because it’s primarily little kids (younger than preschool) and they tend to do their own thing are fairly gentle and don’t really get in each other’s way. Then, for whatever reason, the older kids start showing up at around 11 to 11:30. This would be ok, except that there tend to be more aggressive and shall we say…um…ANNOYING kids in this crowd, and they tend to play a lilttle less nicely. I especially hate to say this because when I had Decker I swore I would not play up to boy stereotypes, but the ones that drive me the most crazy are the older boys. They thunder up the steps to the slides (including the slide that’s really a toddler slide at best), they dominate the climbing rocks, they stand on top of the train and holler, and more often than I hoped I would ever see, they play with plastic guns. Too many times I have seen little commandos in their ‘fashionable’ camouflage, yelling “bang bang you’re dead!” “nuh uh” “yes huh! i totally bazooka-ed you!” and so forth. (And usually the caretakers for these charmers are on their cell phones or gabbing with each other). Thankfully Decker seems to be blissfully unaware of what’s going on, which is good because occasionally these mini-Mad Maxes pretend to aim their guns at US. For example, today we were at the top of one playstructure and Decker was going down the slide, up the stairs, down the slide, up the stairs, over and over to his heart’s content. An older boy (4? 5?) clambers up with a plastic ray gun and starts making shooting noises at us. I determinedly ignored him, and Decker simply said “airplane! bye bye airplane!” each time the little boy aimed his death toy at us. I bit my tongue and said nothing to the boy (though I so wanted to) because I didn’t want to acknowledge his behavior and encourage him with the attention (even it was negative attention). But it bugged me sooooo much. Am I being naive to thing Decker won’t go through that phase? I don’t see him using guns, because there won’t be any in our house, but he is bound to interact with other kids. What do I do when my sweet and gentle little guy starts watching his peers and some of them are not so nice? It’s sort of a sneak preview to the fears I had when I first found out Decker was going to be a boy. I know that boys and girls each come with their own challenges, but it can be so frustrating to see the behaviors that are encouraged in our society, because ‘boys will be boys’ and all that rot. I’m no idiot. I know because I have a son, that boys are their own beings. Decker is into stuff I was NEVER into as a kid. But he is also his own person, and some of the things I love most about him seem to be things that are disparaged in our culture as “sissy”. I don’t want him to change who he is, but sometimes I worry what it will bring him in the future. He is my snuggle-huggy, affectionate, book-loving, toy-organizing, puppy-dog-energy-sporting, funny, thoughtful, gentle, fruitarian. He’s just wonderful. And I wonder if (and hope) it can last, and that he’ll adjust to the world of other kids without too much drama. We’ll see. I sure am grateful for the little boy he is becoming, that’s for sure.

On a much more positive note, one of the other things I really like about Civic Park is that it has a senior center right there. I miss my grandparents a lot, and it’s sort of comforting to be in the presence of other folks their age. A really nice contrast to the aggressive little punks on the playground, they are always ready with a smile and a good morning (especially if you smile first). And more often than not, I get comments like today, from a very sweet older woman sitting on a bench. Decker and I were leaving the playground, and he was ‘helping’ pull the stroller while I pushed. The woman called out, “Miss? Your son is very coordinated! He’ll do fine in the future!”. Sweet huh? Random and I’m not sure what she meant, but sweet. Decker waved and said bye bye to her, and she waved bye bye back. Really nice. It’s my hope that from an early age Decker understands that older people are important, and that we should treat them with kindness and respect (like you would for someone any age). I think so often our grandparent’s generation gets overlooked or ignored, and they have so much to share with us. So anyway, that’s why I like Civic Park. Kinda like getting mini-doses of hanging out with my grandparents’ friends. It’s nice.

My folks and sisters are in Chicago right now - jealous am I! They are reportedly eating large amounts of meat (when in Rome…).

Some of you may be aware that one of my favorite authors is a guy named Christopher Moore. I really owe my addiction to my friend Rebecca, who got me started on his books when Decker was still just a little bitty guy. She recommend I check out a novel of his called “Lamb”, which is about the gospel according to Biff, Christ’s childhood friend. I loved it; I was hooked. I then went on to read ever single tome of his that I could get my mitts on, and they truly helped me keep a little bit of my sanity. It was nice to know that I might be a stay at home mom in sneakers and jeans, but that I still had access to funny and thoughtful humor that let me feel like I could still use my brain cells. Plus, the guy just makes me laugh out loud.

I enjoyed his books so much that I decided to do what any fan would do - write a dorky fan letter and tell him how much I liked his work. Imagine my surprise when he wrote me back, with a very personal and funny little response - the same day! How cool is that? I was so psyched that I included it in my blog (check the archives, sometime back in 2004). How awesome is that?

So when I saw that he was going to be launching his latest book, “A Dirty Job”, from a bookstore right in SF - I knew I had to go. I mentioned it to my dad, and he said he’d like to join me, but only if he could buy me dinner (no problem there!). Count in mom as well, and I had a fun date night set up with my folks - who I rarely get all to myself, so that was cool!

Anyway, we get to the bookstore, and I buy my precious brandnew hardback edition of “A Dirty Job”, and then we head on in to the kids’ section where the chairs were set up for the evening. I thought it was gonna be really crowded, but it was just the right size and you could totally hear and see everything close up. While the owner was introducing him, Christopher Moore was hanging out in the doorway to the storeroom in the back, and kept holding up stuffed toys like a little goofy puppet show. I wonder if doing these things make him kinda nervous? Or maybe he’s just super silly. (Would make a lot of sense). So he gets up and talks about all sorts of stuff that went into the subject matter of this book, like the concept of Beta Males and dealing with death, and touring around SF and the like. What I really dug is that he strikes me as this very genuine, smart, funny, wry and sincere guy - I think I would totally dig talking with him. It’s so cool that he didn’t cop any attitude or act like he was too cool to actually connect with his audience.

When he was done, I lined up with my folks to get my book signed, and when it was my turn to step up, I lost my mind and went into complete insane fan mode. Mom and Dad tell me I came across as coherent, but in my head it sounded a lot like this: “Hi I’m a slobbering fan and I started reading your stuff when my son was born and you kept me sane and I’ve read all your stuff multiple times and I wrote you once and told you all this and thanked you for your awesome books and then you sent me a goofy little poem ala Dr Seuss and that just really meant a lot to me and I just wanted to say thank you and you’re so awesome!!!!”. Or something along those lines. Now, I figured he would just give me a strange look (wouldn’t you?) and sign my book and then move on. But - he said thank you really nicely and sincerely, and shook my hand and said that was fun to hear and then told me to write when I finished the book and then signed “To Frith - Thanks, Christopher Moore”. He also said he dug my name, and asked me where it was from and so then I pointed to my parents and said, “You can ask them!”. So my mom steps up and tells him how much she really enjoyed his shared experiences about dealing with the death of parent and such, and it how it really touched her, and he was super cool to her, too! My dad made some jokes about the names of my other two sisters (”It seemed like a good idea at the time”), and he laughed and said we should start a support group for kids with weird names. Hee.

I just have to say - I think authors are awesome - they are so fun to listen to and the good ones actually connect with their readers and fans and come across as very down to earth and human. I walk away from stuff like that wanting to go home and start writing, even though I hold no illusions that I would ever be published or what not (except for this humble little corner of cyberspace). But I especially dug that a guy like Christopher Moore, with tons of fans and a busy schedule of his own, took the time to shake my hand and thank me for my raving adoration of his book. And was a honestly cool dude about it. So, thank you Christopher Moore. You made my night and you definitely are a chill and funny person. I will continue to buy all your books and to spread your name among family and friends. You have a following in the east bay suburbs, at any rate!

So, readers of past entries in the Frith and Decker blog universe will perhaps recall that my son in loopy and loco for fruit. Sadly, he is particularly loopy and loco for fruit that is seasonal, so we can’t always get it for him. But the great thing about that is - when it does come back into season, he is so beside himself that he literally can be motivated to do anything you ask for the promised reward of fruit - specifically, strawberries and blueberries. I blame this addiction largely on his grandpa, my dad. The man is just silly for fruit. And he knows that my little guy is nuts for it too, so he always has some sort of special treat for him when we come over. (Plums, grapes, berries, you name it). It’s actually very sweet - I think sometimes Decker has been intimidated by my dad because of his size, but the two of them have truly bonded over nature’s bounty. Decker knows if he brings an orange to his grandpa that he will peel it for him, and the other night he was willing to do tricks for pieces of strawberry hidden in my dad’s hand! (ie: “Decker - can you be a scarecrow - you can have some strawberry…”, whereupon the child’s arms stick straight out practically before the sentence is finished!).

It is a good motivator though - but you have to be sure you have the goods on hand before you say their name! Today I told Decker it was lunch time and we were gonna have strawberries but we had to put all his toys away first (we were outside). You have never seen a toddler move so swiftly to put away bikes and wagons. He then sat promptly down with his little legs sitting straight out, calling “sooooooos, OFF, mama!” (shoes off, now mommy!). We go inside, and he streaks for the highchair, chanting “sahbeddah” over and over, and I go to the fridge to find….no strawberries. WHAT? I just bought some last night? Where are they where are they where are they? Sean put the groceries away, but maybe I forgot them in the shopping cart? Oh man I am practically ready to load the kid back in the car to go the store just to procure the promised produce, for I know the disappointment and angst that awaits me if I don’t cough them up right now. I call Sean, and he reassures me that he simply had put them in a hard to spot place for Decker (and his mom, thanks very much!). Ok, apoplectics fits averted - strawberries for all!

Kid still won’t eat cheese, peanut butter, or meat - but dang he loves his fruit. No scurvy in this house!

So a couple of weekends ago, I went with my family to catch the Upright Citizens Brigade at the SF Sketchfest over at the Eureka Theatre. The show was awesome - they are so damn funny. I’d gotten to see them once before at their regular location (a theatre under the Gristedi’s grocery store in NY), and it was really cool to see them again. Rachel Dratch and Amy Poehler are hi-larious. Very funny women. (And quick on their feet! Much more fun to watch than the disastrous planned improvs of high school drama days gone by).

Anyway, we had parked in the Embarcadero area, and we were walking over to the Ferry Building to meet my sisters, when we crossed over through the little park across the street from Safeway. From a couple of blocks away, we could hear what sounded exactly like someone jumping up and down on a big box of squeaky toys (which would be my idea for a performance art piece, albeit probably not a very good one). We get closer and realize that the trees there are jam-packed with bright green parrots! I thought they only hung out at the Filbert Steps, but they must be moving out to the birdie suburbs because there were over 100 of them, easily, and they were squawking and picking all the cherry tree blossoms clean off of the trees. I love SF - no way would you see that anywhere else!